For many teens lost in gaming and online life, fear of the future isn’t just a side effect of internet addiction — it’s fuel for it, turning the screen into a place to hide from hard choices.
Original Publication Date: June 24, 2016
Richard sits down in the chair, nervous as he begins to talk. Again, he did not complete his homework assignment to list careers he would find interesting. Richard is 18, just graduated from high school, and has no idea what to do in the future. He talks about things he likes, such as playing video games and chatting with people online, but does not know what would interest him for a career. Richard’s only idea is to become a YouTube star and play games for a living. His parents want him to attend college and get a real job, but this seems pointless. For Richard, work should be about what makes you happy, and since he likes playing video games, why can’t that be a job?
Richard discusses getting a job in the gaming industry and begins listing roles that interest him. While he has some ideas, Richard is afraid he may not be good enough to become successful and may make the wrong career choice. Richard’s fear is picking a career he would not like or be good at, and then feeling stuck. Richard goes back to being a YouTube star and says he could succeed if his parents understood his drive. Over the next few weeks, he breaks down the tasks required to become a successful YouTube star and realizes it is much more than just playing video games. He would need to become a good writer, an excellent marketer, and a masterful comedian. Richard becomes discouraged and decides to do what he does best, play games 10-14 hours a day.
Richard refuses to make a choice, saying there are too many options and that he is not good enough for anything but playing games. As summer ends, he has not enrolled in college and instead works part-time, with most of his days playing video games. Fear has crippled Richard, and over the next year he works to overcome his fears of the future and, slowly, begins to determine his purpose.
The above is a fictional account of what I often experience in treating teens and young adults addicted to the Internet. I have found most do not have clear goals for the future and live in fear. I have seen career concerns have influenced addiction in many of my clients, as the Internet is a coping skill to deal with stress.
Negative Self-Image
Many teenagers I have worked with who are Internet addicts have a low opinion of themselves. Due to their addiction, most did not do well in school and barely graduated. As a result, their grades are poor, and they are often limited to community colleges. Their parents have talked about college for years, expecting them to go. Due to poor grades in high school, many are unsure if they will be successful in college and become fearful. Most either fail their first year of college or do not enroll.
A negative self-image is part of the problem. Due to past setbacks and failures, they believe they cannot be successful and will eventually fail. Positive accomplishments are filtered or minimized, often replaced with statements such as, “I could have done better” or “Everyone can do that.” This negativity about themselves stops them from trying new experiences and taking risks.
In therapy, I work on how they view themselves and focus on their strengths. Most are bright and could do well if motivated. By focusing on the positives, they begin to see that they have worth over time. Building a positive self-image allows them to change their beliefs about themselves. Fixing a negative self-image is not something that happens quickly. It will take years of work for them to become more realistic about themselves. During this period, they can begin taking classes and get their lives back on track.
Too Many Choices
The number of majors and careers students must choose from today is staggering. With hundreds of options and thousands of schools, the ability to choose can become overwhelming. The Internet has created hundreds of careers that did not exist 25 years ago. For someone who does not know what they want for their future, the number of choices can cause them anxiety.
Most of my Internet addicts have expressed this as a problem. There are so many options that it takes time to filter them down to determine what is interesting. As most addicts spend their free time with their addiction, they have not taken the time needed to research their options.
In therapy, I often have my Clients make lists of careers they find interesting. In discussing these careers, the Client begins to think of the future while learning more about their interests. Once they have a list of five or so careers, I have them research the career requirements and benefits.
I often ask them to answer the following questions: How much education will be required? How many years will this take? What will be the cost of obtaining the degrees or licenses needed? Can these degrees or licenses be obtained locally, or will relocation be required? What does the job market look like for these degrees, especially future projections? How much money will you make once you begin work, and what is the average salary? Will student loans be needed, and if so, will you make enough money starting out to pay them back?
While these are simple questions, most have never considered them. Through this research, they find that choosing a career is a difficult task. Anxiety is often present, and their response is often to retreat into gaming so they do not have to face their fears. Sometimes, it takes months just for them to answer these questions. Most also fear the future and that the economy will be challenging for them.
Economic Fears
Most of my Internet addicts have expressed concerns about the economy and what it will hold once they enter the workforce. With doom-and-gloom news, it is common for Clients to be concerned about the future. With the insane costs of college and student loans, most do not want to consider how they would even afford it. Fears about the economy add to their list of reasons to retreat into gaming rather than focus on the future.
In truth, the future is frightening. I cannot imagine how most will be able to pay back 100,000+ student loan debt. With many universities costing over 30,000 a year, options are limited. This is why research is needed to determine if it is even worth entering a profession if student loan debt is excessive.
Beyond student loans, the persistent talk of a recession, especially amid the collapse in oil prices, has caused fear. Many of my Clients do not want to leave home and become independent, as they do not think they can make it, even with a degree and a career. This fear becomes an excuse for their addiction and, over time, will be a justification.
How to Overcome Career Concerns
What is the blueprint for overcoming career concerns while addicted to the Internet? The first step is to acknowledge the problem. Teenagers must understand that they cannot sit at home playing games for the rest of their lives. Parents need to step in, encourage their children, and talk with them instead of barking orders. Discussing the fears present can help reduce the anxiety over them. Having fear is ok, but letting this fear stop them from trying is not.
Next, begin making a list of strengths valued in the job market. These strengths will help choose a career. This step will be difficult because we often do not consider our strengths. Understanding our strengths is not pride; it is truth. Be honest with this list, and do not be ashamed of making it.
The next step is to research careers, which will take time and energy. Spending an hour a day on this research for a few weeks should yield results. Researching at least five different careers is recommended, as it will give you more choices.
Finally, begin to choose the career that would fit best. This choice can be changed later, especially if college is required, as the first two years are often general requirements. Enroll in college and start taking some classes. Start small, 2-3 classes, then increase as confidence builds. How long it takes to graduate does not matter as long as you do. Talk to professors or other professionals in the career you are interested in to get a better understanding.
In Conclusion
Fearing the future is common; we’ve all done it at some point. Our teenagers have more to fear than we did 20 years ago. While the future can sometimes look bleak, we cannot use it as an excuse not to try. If your child is an internet addict, talk with them on a real level about these fears and encourage them to begin to look at the future. Discuss their strengths and what they can bring to the workforce. Help them research careers and motivate them. However, make sure you let them do most of the work, as they cannot depend on you to fix their problems. Over time, many will begin to dig themselves out of the addiction. Seeing a therapist who works with career issues and internet addiction would help in this process. Over time, career concerns will fade as they begin a path toward their future.
All of this assumes the internet use itself is being addressed, because the career paralysis and the addiction feed each other. If you’re a parent unsure whether your teen’s gaming has crossed from a heavy habit into genuine addiction, my free Internet Addiction Self-Assessment is built around the markers clinicians use to tell the difference — a concrete way to see where things stand before mapping out next steps.
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